Tag: writing

When Someone Brings You a Problem, Ask this

It sounds easy. It looks gentle. But it changes the entire dynamic of how people approach you, how they think, and how they grow.

So what do you think you should do?

It Builds Confidence

Many people come to you with a problem because they believe your answer is better than theirs. As soon as you ask this question, you hand the thinking back to them. You let them see that their judgment matters. Confidence does not grow from outsourcing decisions. It grows from making them.

It Trains the Mind

Most problems are not solved by knowing every fact. They are solved by understanding the options, the tradeoffs, and the impact. When you ask this question, you force the person to walk through these steps. They learn to think through consequences. They learn to compare paths. They learn to slow down and choose.

It Reduces Dependence

If you answer every question, people stop thinking for themselves. If you ask them what they would do, they begin to trust their own reasoning. Over time, you spend less time firefighting and more time guiding. The person becomes someone who brings you solutions, not crises.

It Reveals Their True Concern

Sometimes the problem they share is not the real issue. When you ask what they think they should do, you uncover what they are afraid of, what they are unsure about, or where they are stuck. You hear their reasoning. You see the gap. You know exactly where to help.

It Creates Ownership

The moment someone says what they think the next step should be, they take responsibility for it. They are no longer waiting for your instruction. They are taking action. Leadership is not given. It is practiced. This question helps people practice.

One sentence that captures the idea:
When someone brings you a problem, the smartest thing you can do is ask the question that sends the thinking back to them.

Not to avoid solving, but to help them grow, to help them reason, and to help them become the kind of person who knows what to do next time.

Why People Remember the First and Last Things You Say (and Forget the Rest)

The Power of the Primacy-Recency Effect in Everyday Communication

Imagine walking into a movie 20 minutes late and leaving before the ending.

You’d miss the setup, the plot twist, and the emotional resolution. You might remember some scenes in the middle, but without context or closure, the story won’t stay with you.

That’s exactly how most people experience communication.

They catch the opening. They hear the end. But the middle? It often fades.

This is the Primacy-Recency Effect in action—a simple truth backed by decades of psychology research:

People are far more likely to remember what you say at the beginning and end of any conversation, meeting, or message.

Whether you’re giving a keynote, pitching a product, or just speaking up in a team meeting, this effect is your strategic advantage.

Why It Works: The Brain’s Editing Software

Think of your brain like a video editor. When new information comes in, it highlights the first scene—because that’s when it’s paying close attention, asking:

“Is this worth remembering?”

Then, as time goes on, attention dips. The mind drifts. But right near the end, it perks up again:

“What do I take away from all this?”

That’s why the opening and closing of any message carry disproportionate weight. The middle becomes background noise unless it’s extraordinary.

How to Use This in the Real World

You don’t need to be a psychologist to make this work for you. You just need to structure your message like a sandwich:

  • Top slice (Primacy): Grab attention fast. Tell people why this matters. Give them a reason to care.
  • Filling (Middle): Share your ideas or information—but keep it focused and simple.
  • Bottom slice (Recency): Stick the landing. Make your message memorable. Leave them with a clear takeaway or a strong emotional close.

Let’s look at how that plays out in everyday scenarios:

1. In a Meeting

Don’t start with agenda. Start with tension.

“Here’s the challenge we’re facing.”

“This decision could impact the next 6 months.”

“Let’s get aligned quickly so we can move fast.”

End by locking in what matters.

“So the next step is…”

“Here’s what I need from you…”

“This is where we’re headed.”

2. In an Email

Lead with the point, not the build-up.

“Quick decision needed on X.”

“Wanted your input on Y.”

“Here’s the update we promised.”

Close with clarity.

“Can you confirm by Friday?”

“Let me know if you agree.”

“I’ll follow up Thursday.”

3. In a Presentation

Start with a moment. A stat. A story. A slide that surprises.

The goal? Snap people out of passive listening.

End with one unforgettable idea.

If they remember just one thing, what should it be?

What Elite Communicators Do Differently

Top-tier communicators don’t “wing” their intros and conclusions. They obsess over them. Why?

Because they understand that attention isn’t linear—it’s spiky.

People lean in at the start. They drift. Then they return just in time for the final act.

So they start strong, close clean, and don’t expect the middle to carry the weight alone.

If You Remember Nothing Else, Remember This

Great communication isn’t about saying more—it’s about making the right things stick.

And the best way to do that?

Put your strongest message at the start.

Put your clearest takeaway at the end.

And let the brain do what it naturally does best: remember the bookends.

Because in the end, your audience won’t remember every word.

But they will remember how you began—and how you left them feeling.

So make those moments count.